I recently had a conversation with someone who had just gone through a breakup that devastated her.
This person had had a difficult romantic history, and when this man came into her life, she was incredibly excited! He seemed like the "perfect guy".
They fell in love quickly, and quickly began to merge their lives and their families...
The particular argument that led to the breakup in itself didn't seem like anything too serious. Looking back, though, she realized that it was also very much about how they argued.
Nevertheless she was completely blindsided by the breakup! She had assumed that as in previous occasions, this argument would blow over in a few days.
So the shock and grief of the breakup hit her hard. Extremely hard.
She felt sorry for herself. She felt pained that she had such 'bad luck' with men.
As we spoke, though, she came to the realization that a big part of what she was actually mourning was the loss of an ideal; of finding the "perfect" guy and having the "perfect" relationship.
The truth, she came to realize was that the relationship they had was FAR from "perfect".
And not only was it time for her to face reality, but it was also time for her to take ownership of the role she had been playing in propagating an unhealthy relationship.
In short, she realized that there were areas of her life where she needed to heal, areas where she needed to grow, and wisdom she needed to acquire.
Without addressing those areas, she is likely to find herself in yet another relationship with the SAME unhealthy patterns.
The breakthrough came with the realization that it was time for her to begin to deal with some of her lifelong issues.
As for the future of that relationship, who knows? Perhaps they will one day find themselves back in each others arms. Or perhaps not.
But her happiness moving forward, will depend on how she uses this newly single season of her life to heal and grow and rebuild.
Or she could fail to appreciate the significance of this season of her life. She could blame "bad luck with men" for her problems, and jump to the next relationship, hoping that this time she will have found the 'perfect' guy.
Nature operates in seasons, spring time is usually the optimal time for planting; autumn for harvest. Many fruits and plants are seasonal - if planted in the right season, a plant grows best and gives its best yield.
If planted in the wrong season, plants fail to thrive.
Our lives also operate in seasons. Throughout birth through childhood, teen years and adulthood, there are seasonal activities and tasks and lessons that we must learn and master. Only then do we successfully move on to the next phase of our lives.
Our lives become complicated when we fail to learn the lessons from previous seasons. However life does bring us the opportunity to learn those lessons.
I call them the 'Rewind & Repair Seasons'. They are built into the cycle of our lives.
In the 'Rewind & Repair Seasons', we may have to backtrack a bit. We may have to unlearn bad habits. And learn new healthy habits. In this season we may have to modify or even discontinue certain relationships.
It can be a scary time. But it is important to believe that all things WILL work out in the long run.
Just stay the course of the season of your life. Pay attention to the lessons that life is trying to teach you in that particular time and season.
Life flows when we understand and honor the seasons of our lives. Otherwise we will find ourselves stuck in the same frustrating cycles of issues we have not addressed.
The bible says that there is a season to everything and a time for every activity in this life. Some examples (from Ecclesiastes 3):
- A time to plant and a time to harvest...
- A time to tear down and a time to build up...
- A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones...
- A time to search and a time to quit searching...
- A time to tear and a time to mend...
- A time to be quiet and a time to speak...
Do you really know what season you are in?
One good question to ask yourself today is this:
What time is it?
WHAT TIME IS IT?