I was chatting with one of my sister-friends recently, and I asked her why I had
hadn't seen her on Facebook in a while. She responded, "I hardly go on Facebook anymore. Facebook makes me feel so disconnected!".
Her comment initially surprised me, because isn't the whole point of social media to connect people?
Admittedly, I have had limited involvement with social media. My exposure to Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, Snapchat and Vine have all been courtesy of my children. I mainly only use WhatsApp and Facebook.
And I admit, I like going on Facebook. I have been able to re-connect with many old friends through this medium.
Facebook has also given me the privilege of establishing connections with many wise and incredibly accomplished and beautiful people from all over the world.
I have become more knowledgable about many important issues, and I have gained an awareness of many good causes through Facebook. I love that!
Another reason I appreciate social media is because I am a 'transplant'; I have moved around a lot in my life, and Facebook provides a convenient and exciting way for me to keep up with all my friends around the world in real time!
I enjoy posting on Facebook, and I particularly like the feeling I get when people tell me that they feel connected to me through my posts and photos.
So I agree - social media is indeed a great connector.
But as I thought more about my sister-friend's comment, I began to wonder, would it be possible to sustain close and enduring friendships if we only connected with our friends through our public posts on social media?
To help me answer my own question, I decided to look up the definitions of 'Connect' versus 'Friend':
To Connect:
- To join together so as to provide access and communication;
- To bring together or into contact so that a real or notional (hypothetical, theoretical) link is established;
- To identify with, equate with, relate to
Friend:
- A person whom one KNOWS and with whom one has a BOND of mutual affection;
- A person who has a strong liking for and trust in another person;
- A person who helps or supports something.
My interpretation of these definitions is as follows: Facebook and other forms of social media provide a connection that can either be real or hypothetical. In other words, the connection one experiences from social media may or may not be real.
So here is what I believe. I believe that it takes one-on-one PERSONAL interactions to actually move a connection along into the realm of a true friendship bond.
Social media provides a great opportunity to establish connections, but in my opinion, it cannot do the full job of being a good friend.
The bible describes a real friend this way: "...a man of many companions may come to ruin, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother." (Proverbs 18:24)
And I love this biblical description of a true friend: "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up..." (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)
I'm not saying that all social media connections are unreal and unprofitable. Far from it.
But I believe that it takes much more than social media posts to develop true and lasting friendships.
A person can be rich in Facebook friends and followers, but have no one to turn to when times are rough. And that is sad.
Building a true friendship requires an investment of time. In today's fast paced world, we frequently complain that we don't have time to reach out to friends.
My gentle suggestion? Next time you find yourself mindlessly scrolling on social media, why don't you reach out to a friend?
- Write that friend an encouraging note. Or call them on the phone to check up on them. Or plan to meet them for coffee or for a meal.
- Talk to your friend about sports, or faith or politics or pop culture. Or your hobbies. Or your hopes and dreams. Find out something about your friend that you didn't know. These are all ways of bonding.
Reestablish a genuine connection with your friend. Be interested! Ask them how they are doing, and what is new in their lives. They might be going through a difficult time in their lives! And know this: people will open up when they are 'warmed up' and feel at ease. It takes time.
If they do confide in you, just listen. Be there for them; you don't have to have the solutions to their problems. Be empathetic. Try not to be too invasive.
It is widely known that social media platforms don't convey the real story of what someone might be going through. I agree. Facebook and other social media provide a snapshot of someone's life at a point in time. But you can't know just from a few photographs exactly what someone is going through. Therefore relying on your friend's public posts alone will not give you the information you need to be a good friend.
Good friendships develop privately, not publically.
Where a person invests their time and money is an indicator of what is really important to them.
If you say someone is dear to you but then you don't make the time to invest in that friendship then Im sorry, but you are not being a good friend!
Life is hectic, it's true. But if someone is important to you, you will make the time to reach out to them, and find out how they are REALLY doing.
A real friend goes beyond just forwarding jokes (or those 'prayers' that ask you to "send to 12 people within 12 minutes...").
That conversation with my sister-friend was an eye-opener to me!
I have seen posters that say that true friends don't have to talk everyday to maintain their friendships. That may be true, to some extent. But friends who hardly talk, are putting their friendship on the line.
Remember, social media can be a great connector, but an investment of time and love is NON-NEGOTIABLE in building a true friendship!
So if a friendship is REALLY important to you, then please - invest in it!!!
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"A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow." ―William Shakespeare
"Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit." ―Aristotle
"Oooh I get by with a little help from my friends." —Joe Cocker
"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence." —George Washington
